Now I Can See the Moon.

On Tuesday night my business partner, Tricia, and I hosted our first Simply Celebrate teleseminar.  We were really excited about it and everything went off without a hitch. I couldn’t wait to share the replay with all the people who had wanted to attend, but couldn’t. I immediately called Tricia after the teleseminar and told her how happy I was. She was surprisingly quiet. And then she said, “Uh, Sherry …  we forgot to record the call.”

She was right. In all our excitement before the call started, we simply forgot to punch in the code to “record.”

I immediately felt deflated. Disappointment flooded in. This was our very first teleseminar and because it was on the topic of “How to be Happy,” it was foundational in the work Tricia and I are doing. We had lots of plans to offer the replay and get people jazzed about exploring the idea of what “happy” really means.

The call had been with an inspirational coach and author, Rich German, whom I really respect and admire. He and Tricia had been full of energy and there was no way we could reproduce the authentic enthusiasm of that call.  Plus, what would he think of us when I told him we forgot to record the call? Ack.

I was disappointed.
I was disappointed.
I was disappointed.
I think I said it six or seven times in a row.

AND… it was painfully obvious how ironic my feelings were at the moment. A large focus of the call with Rich was that true happiness is not dependent on having our desires met. It is not about outside circumstances lining up the way we want. It’s not about things working out the way our minds think they “should.” It is about finding a river of acceptance and joy that runs through us always, no matter what is happening in our lives.   

So there I was, feeling like all the air had been let out of my tires of happiness. I knew I could just wallow away in the disappointment – and even build out the story of all other bad, wrong things that were going to happen because of our mistake. OR, I could actually put into practice everything that we’d talked about on the call and everything I believe about the source of true happiness.

So I took a breath and said, “I’m going to let myself stay in the disappointment for a little while.”

And I did. Because one of the “tricks” to true happiness is not pretending. I was disappointed and I just let myself feel bad. For someone like me, the simplest of losses can cut really deep. There is often an “unreasonable” rush of emotion around even losing something as insignificant as a pen or cotton sweater. (Hyperlink here to transcripts from 20 years on the therapists’ couch!).  So I knew that just pretending I didn't feel bad wasn't the answer. It would be like putting on lipstick in order to pretend I wasn't crying. I needed to let myself have my feelings.

For about five minutes I felt really bad. Then there was about fifteen minutes of feeling kind-of bad. Then, there was a twinge of bad. After about a half an hour, I got an email from Tricia saying, “There’s a full moon; do you think that’s what made us forget to record the call?!” I stepped outside to see the moon. The air was surprisingly warm for San Francisco. I could hear a group of people laughing. And the moon was bright and chubby and glorious. I felt … good. Really good.

I responded to Tricia’s email about the moon by reminding her (and me) of a magnet she has had on her refrigerator for many years:

Barn's burnt down --
now
I can see the moon.
—    Masahide


Some people might think that losing a recording of a teleseminar is a very small matter indeed.  But when it first happened, it felt HUGE. And even now, days later, it still feels HUGE. But the difference is, right now it feels beautifully, wonderfully, perfectly huge. That simple loss led me straight to the heart of “how to be happy.”

May you feel your losses … and always, always, see the moon in front of you.

Cheers,
Sherry


P.S. I think there’s a lot to look at in the whole world of “happy.” Here’s a quote from a recent posting on Cherry Blossom Soup.  (Blog). Hope you’ll click through and check out the whole thing. And, as always, I welcome your thoughts – via email or the blog.

“I used to think that “happy” meant Disneyland and chocolate ice-cream cones and the color pink. I had disdain for the word. Didn’t want anything to do with it. I chose the beach in the middle of the night, gothic rock, sitting alone on a bench reading a great book. What I didn’t realize is “happy” has nothing to do with pink vs. black.  And it has everything to do with loving what is. “

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