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It may be Valentine month but there is heartache pain all over. Not all heartache comes from personality disordered people. Sometimes for so many reasons things don't work out and it is no one's fault. Blame the cosmos if you want.
But sometimes there are signs and we miss them, even the second time around. Most of us want to be trusting, want to feel loved and cherished and bonded with someone and ignore the signs of trouble ahead.
So, here's a proactive piece for your heart: take care of it and get the love you deserve.
Men: substitute princess for prince and you're good to go.
How To Tell If the Prince is A Fraud
It was all so perfect. He was Prince Charming, and you were the luckiest girl on earth. Until you weren't.
There were clues.
Sometimes your intuition is telling you something just isn't right but you aren't quite sure what it might be. Do you find yourself in a relationship that gives you some concern? Are you afraid this person has some "issues" that might cause a lot of trouble? Does your gut tell you something isn't right? Do some fact checking and answer these questions:
1. Does he rage and then apologize and promise it will never happen again? How many times do you need to see this before you recognize this as a tactic of an abuser? Once is enough. Two times is too much. Go.
2. Is he 'too good to be true'? Is he your soul mate? knight in shining armor? And you know this on the second or third date? Better step back and give this one some time. No one is perfect and often abusers are charming and manipulative. It's the best way to suck you in and oh, boy, do they know it. They can play you like a violin.
3. Does he ask you for money? Does he never take you someplace nice for dinner? Being thrifty is fine, being pathological about money is not. Watch out for clues such as a someone with a good job that never spends money.
4. Does he spend money unwisely? The other pathology surrounding money is that of the show - off. The man with huge roll of bills who is always buying drinks for the bar, but doesn't know how to save for the house.
5. Is he insensitive to your needs, often making fun of you? Leave. You deserve to be treated with respect. Always. In every situation.
6. Does he have a need to control situations? To control you? While this may feel comforting, it is infantalizing and you are a grown person now who needs to make her own decisions.
7. Does he have a good persona in front of others? Do they think he is "just great"? while you know better?
You have a right to be treated with respect. Call him a narcissist, jerk or sociopath, but get away. Don't think you can change him. You can't.
You can change yourself. More self confidence will lead to less neediness. It's better to be alone than with an abuser.
Charm is a facade, manipulation will wear you down, and one day you will find dreams have turned into a nightmare if you stay with a toxic guy.
"Love dies of blindness, errors and betrayals." Anais Nin
NEEDINESS IS NOT SEXY!
No one wants to be wanted out of desperation. And lack of self power and esteem often draws in toxic people. You can "need" love so much you overlook the red flags. Take care of yourself, love yourself and it is so much easier to see the red flags. Ask yourself this: do I feel better when I am with this person or am I walking on eggshells?
My book Power Guide for Women is all about getting your mojo working, your happiness quotient back on high, and loving yourself. It's short, cut to the chase therapy without the therapist.
You can get it on Amazon for Kindle for just $6.95. (no Kindle needed, download a free app for your computer or phone) I CAN DO IT! Power Guide for Women
Or you can get the pdf version here for $16.95 This is an immediate download also for those who don't want the Kindle version. PDF
Love and lots of it to all my readers in this month of love...remember to love yourself so you can find and know real love.
As always, always the best,
Divorce: The Real Truth and Hidden Dangers