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Have you ever been on a team where one person is the odd one out? Has it ever been you?
Donna was miserable. She'd never felt so alone on a team before. It  seemed that every time she turned around, someone was giving her an order, telling her what to do and how to do it. Her team mates rarely asked for her opinion and when they did ask, they didn't give her time to answer their question. They just voiced their own opinions and moved on to other topics.
There didn't seem to be room for her on the team and Donna felt invisible.
Aaargh!!!
Liz, Howard and Brian were frustrated. They knew that Donna had been hired because of her knowledge and expertise. She had impressive credentials, but so far, they hadn't seen any evidence that she had anything to offer. She didn't speak up at meetings and when they asked her opinion, she just sat there staring at them. It was really uncomfortable! The project was stalled in the same place it was when management decided to bring Donna in three weeks ago.
Were they ever going to get Donna's input?
Double Aaargh!!!
Why can't the team get Donna to contribute? If Liz, Howard and Brian really do want Donna to be part of the team, why does she feel so left out? Simple, Donna communicates differently than her team members.
When I do temperament assessments for teams, one of the things I look for in the results is each team member's communiation style. This style does not indicate temperament, but it does affect the way people speak to - and understand - each other.
In this case, Liz, Howard and Brian, who all have different temperaments, share the same communication style. They are perfectly comfortable telling each other what to do and how to do it. Howard is quieter than Liz and Brian but he keeps up. All of them speak quickly and make decisions quickly, and with each other they don't spare time for pleasantries. (In Canadian culture they may be viewed as abrupt.)
Donna's communication style is different. Even though she has the same temperament as one of her team mates, she's uncomfortable issuing directions. She prefers to negotiate. She speaks quietly, needs time to think and finds their direct style too abrupt. (In Canadian culture, this is the more commonly accepted style.)
So what happened. How did I help them get past Aaargh?
The way the team functioned before Donna's arrival didn't leave room for her negotiative style. In order for Donna's input to be heard, and for her to feel valued enough to contribute, I recommended that the other three team members practice active listening skills.
For Donna, I explained that her team's communication style is not intended to exclude her and that in fact, they want her full involvement. I recommended that she use the following methods to get involved and demonstrate her contribution to the team:
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In advance of scheduled meetings send out talking points, questions to consider, or a simple agenda
- During the meeting use a talking stick for times when she really wants to contribute verbally and needs to hold the floor
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After meetings send a summary and add her comments and suggestions.
I followed up a few weeks later. Donna was feeling much better about her team-mates and Liz, Howard and Brian appreciated the  knowledge and skills she brought to the team.
Do you have a team that struggles to communicate and achieve results? Temperament assessments and coaching will address many of your issues, provide you with tools to improve communication in the workplace, and help your team pull together to succeed.
Call to find out how I can help 250-418-5982
Disclaimer: Names and genders have been changed to protect the innocent...but the situation was real.
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