In This Issue

• What's Good and New

• My Mother-in-Law is Supposed to Love Me
  

• Snake Phobia! A Success Story by Dori Pears

What’s Good and New

► Quantum Popcorn: Thank you for coming to Friday’s Quantum Popcorn night. The highlights included the Oscar Winning movie “Man on Wire” and our very distinguished panel of local experts. Heartfelt thanks to Donalda Carson, Dr. Charles Jago, Dr. Travis Morgan and Charles Scott for sharing themselves so fearlessly. Best wishes for a quick recovery go to Betsy Trumpener. Here some of the nuggets our panellists shared about how we can break through perceived barriers to live life bigger, bolder and more fearlessly:

My Mother-in-Law Is Supposed to Love Me

I learned that when I believe my thoughts unexamined, I get into a lot of trouble. Last Christmas holidays is one example. Let’s just say it was the Christmas from… a very hot place; at least the portion I spent in Vancouver with my in-laws. The breaking point came when I ran out of a restaurant crying hysterically, fleeing to my sister’s house in a cab and my mother-in-law later suggesting that I should take drugs to help me deal with my anxiety. It went downhill from there. Some New Year’s Eve fireworks.

Needless to say I felt profoundly hurt, misunderstood and righteously insulted. Between these occurrences and crisis that happened prior, it could easily have caused a rift in the family that would have been very difficult to overcome. In fact, we knew we were headed for an even bigger mess when shortly after the above described events the in-laws uninvited us all (including their son and two grandchildren) to stay in their apartment during our next visit in April.

Thanks to Thought Field Therapy (the tapping thing) I was able to cope with the acute stress of the situation and re-establish peace of mind. However, unbeknownst to myself, I was still trapped in many negative beliefs and assumptions that would flare up again and again whenever the conversation drifted to my relatives. As I often say to my clients, sometimes the hardest thing part in the healing journey is not the healing itself but to recognize what is not working and what limiting beliefs fuel that situation. Once these are recognized, healing can be quick and easy (provided you have the right tools for the job).

One such tool, that I discovered a little while ago is Byron Katie’s “The Work.”  The Work is a simple and effective five step process of inquiry that allows its practitioners to examine their thinking in a gentle, loving and unique way. Due to the extraordinary results people can gain from doing the Work, I have revised my reserved opinion of talk therapy and now believe that the Work makes this healing form relevant again.

Let me illustrate:

So here I am banging my head against the wall of futility (a.k.a. reality) asserting that my mother-in-law should love me, should want to get to know and understand me, should be tactful and sensitive – when in reality she did and was not going to do that. It is inherently stressful when we are in someone else’s business trying to change and fix them, Byron Katie writes. So I did the work on this belief. The Work consists of four questions and the turnaround. It can look something like that (I do the work here with my husband, Alex, who facilitates the questions for me. He is very brave here for it is his mother we are talking about.):

Fränzi (F): My mother-in-law should love me and try to understand me.

Alex (A):  Is that true?

F: Yes because then I would not be miserable and hurt all the time. (Please note that I am telling my painful story here. By doing so, I am not doing the Work. Instead, I’m trying to be right.)

A: Are you completely sure that your mother-in-law should love and understand you?

F: No (giggle).
Explanation: How do I know she should not love me? Because she does not.
Byron Katie lives life from the assumption that reality is perfection. Otherwise God (she equates God with Reality) is either a sadist or the universe is a chaotic, random and cruel place. That is simply not my or her experience. Katie’s mantra is: no mistake, no mistake, no mistake. If I try to argue with what is, I will lose every time. The price I pay for that futile act is stress, anger, resentment and confusion.

A: How do you feel when you believe and attach to the thought that your mother-in-law should love and understand you?

F: I get very hurt and frustrated. I withdraw. I think poorly of her. I try to lash out but feel powerless. I feel hopeless and outraged.

A: Who would you be without that thought? Imagine your mother-in-law right now. See her sitting in front of you. And now drop your story about her. Who would you be in that moment without the story that she is supposed to love and understand you?

F: I would feel peaceful, quiet, accepting. I may be seeing her for the first time.

A: Now turn it around.

F. My mother-in-law should not love me?! That’s true because she does not, until she does. Oh, there is another turn around! I should love and understand myself.

A: How is that just as true, maybe even more true than your first statement? Give me an example of where you could love and understand yourself more?

F: I can love myself more with regards to allowing for more balance in my life. I often don’t give myself enough time to rest. I push myself too hard. I don’t exercise or eat far too many sweets.

A: Can you find another turnaround?

F:  I should love and understand my mother-in-law! Oh, my gosh, I don’t. I don’t care to love or understand her! How can I expect her to do what I am not willing to? That’s ridiculous.

That insight was a very big breakthrough for me. It completely shifted my thinking and with that my relationship with my mother-in-law. I found virtually instant peace and freedom. “You don’t have to love me. I don’t have to love you. We have a deal, for now. I will not teach you about unconditional love and acceptance until I can live it fully myself first." And even then, I would rather have intimacy with her than a teacher–student relationship. Bottom line: I don’t have to teach her any lessons. I just choose to be at peace. I choose to love what is.

Observing the Work from the outside, the process may seem simple (and it is), maybe too simple. Yet when applied to personal issues, when you do the Work yourself, it can have a very profound transformative effect. Just observing someone running a mile will never have the same impact on you as doing it yourself.

I am delighted to add the Work to my repertoire of tools to use with my clients to help them change quickly, meaningfully and effortlessly. For years I have been praying for an effective talk therapy tool to make itself known to me. The Work may just be the answer. Even though I am still a student of the Work, I am already seeing amazing results. I love it.

So how did my encounter with mother-in-law go in April? I was not completely free but I was in a much, much better place than I would have been without the Work. I felt no anger, animosity or resentment, just some awkwardness. Recognizing that feeling – just another stressful thought – I now know what needs the Work next.

When am I done doing the Work on my mother-in-law? Byron Katie wrote: “Until you can see your mother (-in-law) as totally precious all the time, your Work is not done. That is the beautiful thing about mother (-in laws): just in case you think you have it handled, they know what button to push.”

I’m heading for the “Nine Day School for The Work” in Los Angeles in October. Who is coming with me?

Meet Byron Katie
www.TheWork.com

Snake Phobia!
A Success Story by Dori Pears, TFT-Alg

“Missy couldn't say the word snake without tensing her whole body and starting to tear up.  I worked with her using TFT.  It worked and we did the floor to ceiling eye roll.  But when she looked up at the ceiling she started to freak out again. She realized that she started thinking about the snakes in Mexico that are up in the trees and fall out. Missy spends months down in Mexico in the winter so this is a big issue for her.

We decided to give it another go this time with her thinking of snakes up high. By the end you could see the difference in her body language.  Missy can now say the word snake and has even seen them on TV and had no reaction.  I ran into her and her daughter the other day and she introduced me as her superhero.  Her daughter is amazed at the difference in her mom.
Thanks!"

Send in your TFT and Reiki success stories, no matter how big or small, to share with and inspire your colleagues.             

Be well.
Be fearless.
Be happy.

Blessings!

Fränzi Ng - Trainer, Therapist, Healer

Centre for Extraordinary Living

  Welcome to
  42 new subscribers this month.

  TFT Algorithm Trainings:

• May 15 & 16, Prince George - FULL
  
• September 25 & 26, Prince George
• November 20 & 21, Prince George
  

• October 29 & 30, Prince George

 Matrix Energetics Play Group:

• Thursday, May 20
  
• Thursday, June 3

• Louise Hay's "You Can Heal Your Life," Friday May 28

• Viewer's Choice: "Peaceful Warrior,"

Time:  7 - 10 pm

At UNBC

Movies are followed by an interactive panel discussion featuring local experts.

Tickets at Books & Co, Homework, The Zen Garden and at the Door

General Admission: $14
Three Pack: $12 each
Students:  $12

Make the last Friday of every month your Quantum Popcorn Movie Night.

Watch the trailers at www.fearlesslivingpg.com

Where You Can Meet me this Month: 

• Enterprising Moms Network: May 5
  

• Quantum Popcorn: May 28

Matrix Energetics Contemplation

"You do not have to be able to see anything. You don’t even have to be able to do anything. It is even preferable if you don’t know anything. With zero limits, anything becomes possible!”

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