My Grandmother's Logic
an excerpt of a piece by Aaron Cohen
I was raised
by parents who vividly recall the Great Depression, and by grandparents whose
immigrant experience was shaped by it. One of my career mentors, Harry, used to
regale me with stories of riding the rails when he was my kids' age.
One of the things I learned from all those folks, and which I tried to relate
to my son, were that all things are relative. People of conviction, with luck,
ultimately prevail; tough times, with leadership, ultimately pass.
My mother told me the story of her mother's commitment to tzedakah
during the height of the Depression. Every week, rain or shine, she would make
the rounds of the neighborhood with a little pushke (tzedakah
box) collecting pennies, dimes, nickels—and if she was really persistent,
quarters—for Jews in need in Eretz Yisrael (the pre-state Land of
Israel) and in Pittsburgh. My unemployed grandfather scraped together a few
dollars as a book peddler; the extended family lived jammed together in a small
apartment; and a wealthier uncle sent some help their way.
My grandmother’s philosophy was that having something, anything, meant you had
something to give those who had nothing. Having lived by dint of her wits
through World War I and the Russian Revolution, having made it through the
Great Depression, she faced life with eternal hope. What sustained that hope
was that she herself never stopped giving.
I tried to tell all that to my son, who is a savvy guy. Adversity—God-willing
in small doses—can be the engine of progress, I said; problems yield to
solutions.
Wisdom for our Grandchildren
Maya Angelou, a very wise writer,
was interviewed on the
Oprah Winfrey show after her 70th birthday.
These are just a few of the wonderful words she said, all of
which could
be passed on to our grandchildren.
'I've learned that no matter what happens, or
how bad it seems today, life does go on, and it will be better tomorrow.'
'I've learned that you can tell a lot about a
person by the way he/she handles these three things: a rainy day, lost luggage,
and tangled Christmas tree lights.'
'I've learned that regardless of your
relationship with your parents, you'll miss them when they're gone from your
life.'
'I've
learned that making a 'living' is not the same thing as 'making a life.'
'I've learned that life sometimes gives you a
second chance.'
'I've learned that you shouldn't go through
life with a catcher's mitt on both hands; you need to be able to throw some
things back...'
'I've learned that whenever I decide something
with an open heart, I usually make the right decision.'
'I've learned that even when I have pains, I
don't have to be one.'
'I've learned that every day you should reach
out and touch someone. People love a warm hug, or just a friendly pat on the
back...'
'I've learned that I still have a lot to
learn..'
'I've learned that people will forget what you
said, people will forget what you did, but people will never forget how you
made them feel.'
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What Could You Live
With Half Of?
by Sharon Halper
A recent New
York Times article (January 24, 2010 - What
Could You Live Without? Nicholas D. Kristof) tells the story of the Salwen
family of Atlanta. On a ride home from a sleepover, Kevin Salwen, a reporter
and entrepreneur, and his 14-year old daughter saw a Mercedes coupe on one side
of the street and a homeless man begging for food on the other.
The daughter
expressed a fundamental thought—If the one “man had a less nice car”, the other
man “could have a meal”. In the
inimitable approach of a 14 year old, Hannah Salwen persisted in raising the
issue of inequality and proposed that the Salwens sell their home and donate
half of the proceeds to charity. Father and daughter tell their story in the
recently released book “The Power of Half”. I trust it will be a best seller!
Kristof went
on to include some comments from Kevin Salwen which might speak to all of us,
even those who intend to remain in their current homes! Salwen is quoted as
saying “Everyone has too much of something, whether it’s time, talent or
treasure. Everyone does have their own half; you just have to find it.”
Grandparents
are uniquely positioned to enable their grandchildren to discover their
personal “halves”, both by developing their own and by offering opportunities
for their grandchildren to uncover theirs.
In this
season of birth and rebirth, let us look at our family’s ‘treasure’ and see
where half of what we have might be more than enough for each of us! Religious
traditions share the belief that meeting the needs of the hungry is considered
a godly act. Like God, who fed the hungry, we act in the divine image.
Consider
giving a percentage of “normal” holiday-related excess to local programs that
feed the hungry for the holidays. Half the cake, half the candy so that others
might eat.
Think about
the days after the holiday, when donations wane and hunger remains. Can you
enjoy half as many costly take-out coffees? Can your grandchildren thrive on
half the treats they currently consume? Sit down and find your “halves”. You
might consider matching your grandchildrens’ “halves” with a corresponding
donation.
Do you
garden? Plant vegetables together and
donate half to a local food pantry. Look
at www.ampleharvest.org, for a local
recipient group and include your little half in the harvest and delivery. If
your grand-gardener is not local, take pictures and share the story with the
child. Perhaps the child can emulate the project at home.
“Adopt” a profoundly poor and hungry
family in the United States with a monthly gift of needed items through Family
to Family http://www.family-to-family.org.
Discuss the personal “half” each family
member will contribute in order to make your donations possible. A grandchild
that gives up a cupcake a month will feel their power to do good long after
their cupcake years have passed!
In the words
of Kevin Salwen, “We essentially traded stuff for togetherness and
connectedness. I can’t figure out why everybody wouldn’t want that deal.”
Who wouldn’t?
Sharon
Halper
Messages for My Grandchildren
Dr. Robert Brooks is a fabulous motivation speaker on the
subjects of Resilience, self esteem, motivation and family relationships.
In addition, he has a web site and sends out monthly enewsletters. The
following is an excerpt from a longer article from a Sept. 2009 newletter that you
can still find on his web site.
Flooded by
these memories of my youth I could not help thinking once again, “What are the
values I wish to convey to my four grandchildren through my words and deeds,
values that I hope influence their lives?” I am certain they are not very
different from what other parents and grandparents hope to witness in the
behaviors of the next generation of their family. As I begin to share these
thoughts with my grandchildren, I would like to share them with my readers as
well.
The
importance of cultivating relationships. Earlier I emphasized the
significance of connections in our lives. Paradoxically, we live in a world
where in many ways technology has brought us closer together, but has also
served, at times, as a barrier to closeness and intimacy. For instance, people
working in offices next door to each other use e-mails to communicate rather
than meeting face-to-face. As I mentioned earlier, sites such as Facebook
inform us instantly of happenings in each other’s lives, which has its benefits
but all-too-often can limit other forms of interactions. We must consciously
make time for connecting with others, and not permit busy lives from depriving
us of the joys of truly being together. On a trip to the west coast earlier
this year I sat next to a man who was flying to attend the funeral of his
brother who had died suddenly of a heart attack. When he inquired what I did
and found out that I was a clinical psychologist, he plaintively told me that
he hadn’t seen his brother in almost two years, adding, “We kept in touch
primarily by e-mail. Isn’t it ironic that we couldn’t find time to see each
other when he was alive, but somehow I find time to go to his funeral.”
The need
to enrich the lives of others. We must take care of ourselves, but always
find time to brighten and enrich the lives of others. As I write this article,
we are mourning the loss of Senator Ted Kennedy, not just here in Massachusetts
but nationally and internationally as well. Whatever one’s political beliefs or
political party, I think one cannot help but be impressed with the first-hand
accounts of Senator Kennedy’s generosity that have emerged since his death.
Numerous individuals reported, regardless of their “station” in life, that when
they called Senator Kennedy’s office to seek assistance he spoke directly with
them. When a teenage girl from Massachusetts, Molly Bish, was abducted, one of
the first people to call her parents was Senator Kennedy. He called on the day
that her remains were discovered three years after her disappearance and he called
the hospital when Molly’s father had a stroke.
Many similar
stories of graciousness and thoughtfulness were shared upon his death, too
numerous for me to describe in this article. Few of these stories were
publicized prior to his passing. I said to Marilyn that although we had lived
in Massachusetts for years and knew of Senator Kennedy’s passion for improving
the lives of others, I was not aware of the extent to which he was accessible
and helpful to all of his constituents. I was very touched by a report
indicating that in the aftermath of the horrors of 9/11 he wrote a personal
note to the families of each person from Massachusetts who had been killed in
the terrorist attacks (almost 200) and year after year he continued to keep in
touch with them offering his support. He did so out of the view of the media.
Those who are cynical about politicians, as many are in today’s world, might
argue that such seeming acts of kindness are rooted in the motive to garner
votes. I believe that Senator Kennedy engaged in these actions not to capture
votes but because he knew that he was privileged to be in a position to better
the lives of others. Given the well-documented tragedies that he suffered in
his life, he was well aware of the importance of “being there” for people,
reaching out to them especially in their darkest moments.
While most
of us do not wield the influence that Ted Kennedy did, we all have the power on
a daily basis to say and do small things that will have far-reaching positive
consequences. I know from research I conducted about significant memories from
one’s childhood that even seemingly small gestures of kindness can have a
profound impact on the recipients of that kindness. Performing such gestures
also infuses one’s own life with purpose and satisfaction. To my four
grandchildren, I hope you all experience such satisfaction.
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