by Rev. Kris Ladusau

As Buddhist teacher Silvia Boorstein once said, “Life is painful, but suffering is optional.” It is crucial to acknowledge the difference. Human life includes painful situations, but suffering is a construct of the brain and is what we add on to already difficult situations. As practitioners, it is up to us to reflect and see when we are creating suffering. The practice of Buddhism is about developing “mental maturity” – much like we train our bodies for athletic events, we also train our minds. 

Creating “suffering” (no one else does this to us) is not productive. It does not improve the situation; in fact, it only muddies the water and prevents us from seeing our way clearly to making good choices. It also keeps us “stuck” and unable to move forward. One aspect of our practice is to see when we are rolling around in the Six Realms and take appropriate action, breaking the old patterns and cycles we have created.

Science has recently discovered that physical pain can manifest from emotional trauma. It is understandable to want to alleviate pain, but as a Buddhist practitioner, I think it is more important to experience life as it is. Trying to avoid pain is also a form of attachment (avoidance attachment). There is something wonderful to be found by simply experiencing life, not numbing it or ignoring it. What's available when we stay with the pain?  Joko Beck teaches, "Sitting in meditation is not about finding a happy, blissful state. Those states may occur in sitting, when we've really experienced our pain over and over, so that finally there's just that letting go. That surrender and opening into something fresh and new is the consequence of experiencing pain, not a consequence of finding the place where we can shut pain out." 

Pema Chodron wrote about another strong emotion – grief - that can also be accompanied by physical pain: "Grief is completely pregnant with Bodhicitta (arising Bodhisattva mind) —it’s full of heart, love and compassion. But we tend to freeze or harden against grief because it’s so painful. We bring in the clouds. In fact, we're good at bringing in the clouds and keeping them in place. We’re good at fixating on them. But when you practice the teachings that say, 'Stay with the grief, see it as your link to all humanity,' you begin to understand that grief is a doorway to realizing that the sun is always shining. You begin to understand that the weather is transient like clouds in the sky. You begin to have more trust in the underlying goodness—the underlying “sun quality”—of your being. In this way, any experiences you have, particularly very strong emotions are doorways to the arising mind of Bodhisattva. The trick is to stay with the soft spot and not harden over it. That’s the basic instruction: stay with the soft spot." So in a way, I'm thankful for the physical pain and other sensations that accompany strong emotions. They're a reminder in the body that's hard to ignore - to actually feel our emotions, and not push them away. It's an opportunity to connect to underlying goodness - even though it hurts.”

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